Re: Who can help me to correct my article...

Posted by glotynn on 2007/4/15 18:31:05

Suggested Revisions

Judging from my own experience, I am convinced that the aged are an indispensable part for in our society.


Every morning, the happiest matter thing is that I hear my grandmother's smiling kind and cheerful voice while when opening my sleepy eyes, because I realize that means I will enjoy excellent breakfast she prepares for our family specifically specially. Then, Grandmother watches us go to dissimilar destinations for pursuing education or working and we all set our mind at ease to trust the entire house to her for we know she can attend very well to everything very well, including domestic chores or and home environment, so that the house is always the making it an extremely comfortable and relaxing place to refresh and warm our bodies and minds. At this point in time, I literally believe it is a so perfect event to own a grandmother.


She is not so healthy and vigorous as well as youngsters; nevertheless however, she has more much spare time to express solicitude to other the people, or and she frequently provides some useful advices by past experiences to handle troubles which younglings may encounter or have never encountered . Then, Through the interaction, the history of mankind can inherit and progress. So, I think the aged are really like priceless treasure to everyone.


Remarks:
1) matter是不好的事情, 故改為thing.
2) smiling voice意思與cheerful voice重複, 故以kind代之.
3) open為瞬間動詞, 用when.
4) so that the house is always the extremely comfortable and relaxing place
注意so that是因果邏輯用法, 你在此使用so that, 成了trust的邏輯, 但"the extremely comfortable and relaxing place"是attend的直接結果, 故改為"making it the extremely comfortable and relaxing place..."
5) 注意not so...as的用法.
6) 前為負面語意, 後為正面語意時, 用however; 反之, 用nevertheless.
7) Through the interaction, the history of mankind can inherit and progress. 這個意旨太巨大了, 你想減少字數就刪這個.