* Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

* A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

* He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

* A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

* Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

* Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

* Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

* The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

* It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them.

* If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

* The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.

* Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

* Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

* The shin bone is a device for finding furniture.

* When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.