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This is my autobiology~
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I need your comment!

------------------------------------------------------
I am ***, grew in a family with four members. My father had been served as a commissioned officer in military troops for ten years and now he is a music teacher in a junior high school. My mother is a housewife. I still have an younger brother, who is an engineer in the LCD manufacture. My family education is very severely, which especially is emphasized on ethics, morals and responsibility. Therefore, I have individual characters of independence and always keep a positive and initiative manner toward life since childhood.

I had studied in High School of National Normal University, which provide a free environment for studying, and discovered my interests in life science, so I choose to study in a department related to life science in the university. I graduated from the department of agriculture chemistry in National Taiwan University, which provided a good training in chemistry and many practices in the experiments, so I have a strong background in chemistry, which help me to study life science in the molecular way. I had been a graduate student in the institute of microbiology and biochemistry in National Taiwan University, the topic of my master thesis is “The production of insulin-like growth factor fodder yeast,” therefore, I am familiar with techniques about microorganism incubation, animal cell culture, DNA engineering and protein purification.

Besides the academic courses, I have also joined a student club of society service in the university and held many winter/summer camps in some elementary schools in remote districts. I have been the club leader responsible for the arrangement and organization of the club activities, which provide a chance for me to contact people with different backgrounds. Except for sincer concern, it’s required comprehensive communication skill to make peers to work together, which makes me grow very much.

I yearn for science research, because I could put the knowledg into practice and contribute to my country. Formerly laboratory experiences impressed me very much and told me that research does not only depend on enthusiasm, but also clear thought; not only repeated demonstration, but also the resolution. Therefore, I want to join a team devoted to research. In adition to exploring a topic of research with my laboratory experiences, I hope to obtain new stimulations and significant growth.

An important individual character of mine is that I always carry out my own responsibilities and the obligations of my own work to the best of my abilities. I ‘m very earnest in my job and request myself strictly. I obtained some awards in my student life, such as the Mayor Awards in the senior high school days and the Complete Attendance Award in the high school days. I am also the recipient of the Student Service Education Award in National Taiwan University in 1998 and 2001. I have been a soldier in the obligatory service for 15 months and volunteer to join the airborne forces in my military life. I completed not only the airborn training camp, but also a mountain march approximately 240 miles, which show my endurance and enthusiasm to achieve my goals. I devote myself to anything I want to achieve and hold on straight to the end.

Posted on: 2007/10/21 22:28
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Re: This is my autobiology~
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Hello Dl5:
Welcome to Okenglish. Do you need others to help you to correct your essay or what kind of suggestions do you need from others? Could you be more specific?

Posted on: 2007/10/23 20:09
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Re: This is my autobiology~
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Hi D15, 請您耐心等! 這裡的朋友都會相互謙讓,所以需要一點時間等待。

Posted on: 2007/10/24 23:02
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Re: This is my autobiology~
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D15,

You need to take care of things like agreement and some spellings first.

The following are some rudimentary suggestions.

I am ***, grew in a family with four members.
If you want to use something after a comma, you need to use a participle, yet this construct is still somewhat strange in this instance. Maybe you can just put "I grew up in..." instead.

I still have a younger brother, who is an engineer in an LCD manufacturer.

Nevertheless, putting "still" there sounds strange too.

My family education is very severely, which especially is emphasized on ethics, morals and responsibility.

My family education was very strict, which especially is emphasized on ethics, morals and responsibility.

Therefore, I have individual characters of independence..
Better revise this part.

I had studied in High School of National Normal University, which provided a free environment for studying, and discovered my interests in life sciences, so I chose to study in a department related to life sciences in the university.

Spellings like "sincer", "knowledg" and "adition" should be taken care of first.

There are still some more like this, please change them first before we go on any further.

Others can also chip in.

Hope this helps.

Tim

Posted on: 2007/10/27 9:55
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Re: This is my autobiology~
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PART I

I am ***, grew growing in a family with of four members. My father had been served as a commissioned officer in military troops for ten years and now before he is became a music teacher in a junior high school. My mother is a housewife. Besides, I still have an a younger brother who is an engineer in the an LCD manufacture industry. My family education is was very severely strict, which especially is emphasized emphasizing on ethics, morals and responsibility. Therefore, I have developed individual characters of independence and always keep a positive and initiative manner toward life since childhood.

I had studied in The High School of National Normal University, which provided a free environment for studying, and I discovered my interests in life sciences, so I chose to study in a department related to life sciences in the university. I graduated from the department of agriculture chemistry in National Taiwan University, which provided where I received a good training in chemistry and with many practices in the experiments, so I have acquired a strong background in chemistry, which helped me to study life sciences in the molecular way. Then I had been pumped myself up to being a graduate student in the institute of microbiology and biochemistry in National Taiwan University where I completed the topic of my master thesis is with the topic "The production of insulin-like growth factor fodder yeast". Therefore, I am familiar with techniques about microorganism incubation, animal cell culture, DNA engineering and protein purification.

Hi D15,
原來是我的附中學弟啊!
對所修改之內容有不明之處請發問.

Posted on: 2007/10/27 16:58
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Re: This is my autobiology~
Home away from home
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PART II

I yearned for science researches, because I could thereby put the knowledge into practice and contribute to my country. Formerly The former laboratory experiences impressed me very much and told me that research does not only depend on enthusiasm, but also clear clarifies one's thoughts; not only repeated demonstration, but also the resolution in pursuit of the resolution out of repeated demonstrations. Therefore, I want to join a team devoted to researches. In addition to exploring a topic of research with my laboratory experiences, I hope to obtain new stimulations and a significant growth.

An important individual character of mine is that I always carry out keep my own responsibilities and perform the obligations of my own work to the best of my abilities. I 'm very earnest in my job and request often push myself strictly. I obtained some awards in my student life, such as the Mayor Awards in the senior high school days and the Complete Attendance Award in the whole high school days stage. I am also the recipient of the Student Service Education Awards in National Taiwan University in 1998 and 2001. I have been a soldier in the obligatory service for 15 months and volunteered to join the airborne forces in my military life. I completed not only the airborne training camp, but also a mountain march of approximately 240 miles, which showed my endurance and enthusiasm to achieve my goals. I devote myself to anything I want to achieve and hold on straight to the end.


==============================
對所修改之內容有不明之處請發問.

Posted on: 2007/10/27 17:39
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Re: This is my autobiology~
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Excuse me --- "autobiology"??
Did you mean "(auto)biography"?

Posted on: 2007/10/29 10:20
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