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Plz give me some suggestion!
Just popping in
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I would like to applied for the Tourism Management Department of graduate school.
The following is my 1st paragraph of my study plan.
Could anyone give me some suggestions or corrections?

Motivation of Pursuing Advanced Study in Graduate School
I grew up from a happy family that every one likes travelling. I had visited to many beautiful places in Taiwan, and I also had been to Australia and England. Since I have been to many spots and I really like travelling, I think tourism is a field which is full of challenges and interesting. The working quality and environment attracted me a lot. In addition, the tourism and recreation have grown up fast in Taiwan. “Recreational activity” has become a life center for people who always endure great pressure from working. So I decided to change my course, I want to take Tourism Management as my major.
During the four years in XXX, through training and instructing in the Department of Applied Foreign Languages, I promoted my English four skills- listening, speaking, reading, and writing. For the second foreign language, I emphasized on my Japanese learning. Besides, I took Spanish class as my third foreign language. In my opinion, just specializing in languages is not enough, so I would like to take Tourism Management as my goal. Having good language abilities, I believe I can bring my vantages into full play in this field.

Posted on: 2007/11/7 17:06
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Re: Plz give me some suggestion!
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From Taipei, 大羅天
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Carollin,

The following are some pointers for you.

1. visited to many beautiful places

2. I think tourism is a field which is full of challenges and interesting fun

3. The working quality and environment attracted me a lot.

4. the tourism and recreation industries have

5. I promoted polished up on the four skills of listening, speaking, reading, and writing.

6. I emphasized on my Japanese learning
(but you should better rewrite this part to make it more sensible)

7. Having good language abilities, I believe I can bring my vantages into full play in this field.
(better rewrite this sentence too)

Tim

Posted on: 2007/11/8 11:31
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