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please give some comments about my toefl writing
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This is my toefl writing.
Could you please help me to revise it and give me some comments?
thank you very much

Issue: Do you agree or disagree the statement: TV, newspaper, magazines, and other media pay too much attention to the personal lives of famous people such as public figures and celebrities.



Given the option between agreeing or disagree with the statement that media pay too much attention to personal lives of famous people, which one do I choose? It is believed that the answers are varied. However, I totally approve of media always focusing on the personal lives of public figures and celebrities, and even invading their personal privacies. There are several reasons as follows.

First, media have much interest in trying to dig the news and gossip of pubic figures and celebrities, and such a gossip trend is usually encouraged by public. TV programs concerning personal privacy of famous people always receive the highest audience rate, and newspaper and magazines highlighting stories about famous people on the front cover are usually on the top 10 best-sellers’ list, no matter whether those stories are correct or not. As is known to everyone, a job named paparazzo has been introduced to the competitive market.

Second, balance of free speech of media and personal privacies has been destroyed by aggressive media. According to recently surveys, the issue about media paying too much attention to famous people has aroused much concern of the public. The majority hold sympathy for public figures and celebrities, while the rest still possess an indifferent attitude about it and even think that personal lives of famous people suppose to be exposed in the sun light. They believe that those idols have a great influence on their supporters, hence, public figures and celebrities should be integrity. Therefore, attention coming from media could force those public figures and celebrities behave themselves. I have no doubt about that famous people should be honorable people. But it doesn’t mean that their can be invaded by paparazzi, media, and public. I believe that all people have rights to protect their own privacies.

Third, it is virtually common to see many problems and tragedies which are caused by aggressive media. The death of Princess Diana is the most vivid example of attributing to too much attention from media and public. She was killed in a high-speed car accident in Paris, while being pursued by paparazzi. If the public or media didn’t intend to infringe on her lives, we might still see Princess Diana giving a public speech on TV screen. What a pity it is!

In view of these viewpoints above, I firmly agree that media pay too much attention to the personal lives of famous people, and I also can envision that the problem will be getting worse and worse if the authorities concerned and the public do nothing about it.

Posted on: 2008/3/14 17:24
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Re: please give some comments about my toefl writing
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Hello news211:
Nice to meet you here. Are you preparing toelf exam?

Posted on: 2008/3/14 19:20
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Re: please give some comments about my toefl writing
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yes
I am preparing for my toefl ibt.
And nice to meet you too!

Posted on: 2008/3/15 10:38
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Re: please give some comments about my toefl writing
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Who could help new211 to correct his essay? Thanks!!

Posted on: 2008/3/17 19:04
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Re: please give some comments about my toefl writing
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New211,

Some pointers to your writing.

Tim

Issue: Do you agree or disagree with the statement: TV, newspaper, magazines, and other media pay too much attention to the personal lives of famous people such as public figures and celebrities.

Given the option between agreeing or disagreeing with the statement that the media pay too much attention to personal lives of famous people, which one do I choose? It is believed that the answers are varied. However, I totally approve of media always focusing on the personal lives of public figures and celebrities, and even invading their personal privacies. There are several reasons as follows.

First, the media have much interest in trying to dig the news and gossip of pubic figures and celebrities, and such a gossip trend is usually encouraged by the public. TV programs concerning personal privacy of famous people always receive the highest viewing rates, and newspapers and magazines highlighting stories about famous people on the front cover are usually on the top 10 best-sellers’ list, no matter whether those stories are correct or not. As is known to everyone, a job named paparazzo has been introduced to the competitive market. Note: It's weird to describe paparazzo as a job.

Second, balance of free speech of media and personal privacies has been destroyed by aggressive media. According to recently surveys, the issue about the media paying too much attention to famous people has aroused much concern of the public. The majority hold sympathy for public figures and celebrities, while the rest still possess an indifferent attitude about it and even think that personal lives of famous people suppose to be exposed in the sun light. They believe that those idols have a great influence on their supporters, hence, public figures and celebrities should have integrity. Therefore, attention coming from media could force those public figures and celebrities behave themselves. I have no doubt about that famous people should be honorable people. But it doesn’t mean that their <please fill in yourself> can be invaded by paparazzi, the media, and the public. I believe that all people have rights to protect their own privacies.

Third, it is virtually common to see many problems and tragedies which are caused by aggressive media. The death of Princess Diana is the most vivid example of attributing too much attention to the media and the public. She was killed in a high-speed car accident in Paris, while being pursued by paparazzi. If the public or the media didn’t intend to infringe on her lives, we might still see Princess Diana giving a public speech on TV screen. What a pity it is!

In view of these viewpoints above, I firmly agree that the media pay too much attention to the personal lives of famous people, and I also can envision that the problem will be getting worse and worse if the authorities concerned and the public do nothing about it.

Posted on: 2008/3/17 22:42
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Re: please give some comments about my toefl writing
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Hi, Tim

thank you very much!

Sharon

Posted on: 2008/3/25 14:54
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