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Who can help me to correct my article...
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想請有沒有人幫我看看有沒有"文法錯誤"or不必要的"贅句",因為字數太多了,想刪掉約20個字
thank u very very much ...





Judging from my own experience, I am convinced that the aged are an indispensable part for our society.


Every morning, the happiest matter is that I hear my grandmother’ smiling and cheerful voice while opening my sleepy eyes, because I realize that means I will enjoy excellent breakfast she prepares for our family specifically. Then, grandmother watches us go to dissimilar destination for pursuing education or working and we all set our mind at ease to trust the house to her for we know she can attend to everything very well, including domestic chores or home environment so that the house is always the extremely comfortable and relaxing place to refresh and warm our body and mine. At this point in time, I literally believe it is a perfect event to own a grandmother.


She is not healthy and vigorous as well as youngsters; nevertheless, she has more spare time to express solicitude to other people or she frequently provides some useful advises by past experiences to handle troubles which younglings have never encountered . Then, through the interaction, the history of human can inherit and progree. So, I think the aged are really like priceless treasure to everyone.

Posted on: 2007/4/14 22:47
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Re: Who can help me to correct my article...
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Suggested Revisions

Judging from my own experience, I am convinced that the aged are an indispensable part for in our society.


Every morning, the happiest matter thing is that I hear my grandmother's smiling kind and cheerful voice while when opening my sleepy eyes, because I realize that means I will enjoy excellent breakfast she prepares for our family specifically specially. Then, Grandmother watches us go to dissimilar destinations for pursuing education or working and we all set our mind at ease to trust the entire house to her for we know she can attend very well to everything very well, including domestic chores or and home environment, so that the house is always the making it an extremely comfortable and relaxing place to refresh and warm our bodies and minds. At this point in time, I literally believe it is a so perfect event to own a grandmother.


She is not so healthy and vigorous as well as youngsters; nevertheless however, she has more much spare time to express solicitude to other the people, or and she frequently provides some useful advices by past experiences to handle troubles which younglings may encounter or have never encountered . Then, Through the interaction, the history of mankind can inherit and progress. So, I think the aged are really like priceless treasure to everyone.


Remarks:
1) matter是不好的事情, 故改為thing.
2) smiling voice意思與cheerful voice重複, 故以kind代之.
3) open為瞬間動詞, 用when.
4) so that the house is always the extremely comfortable and relaxing place
注意so that是因果邏輯用法, 你在此使用so that, 成了trust的邏輯, 但"the extremely comfortable and relaxing place"是attend的直接結果, 故改為"making it the extremely comfortable and relaxing place..."
5) 注意not so...as的用法.
6) 前為負面語意, 後為正面語意時, 用however; 反之, 用nevertheless.
7) Through the interaction, the history of mankind can inherit and progress. 這個意旨太巨大了, 你想減少字數就刪這個.

Posted on: 2007/4/15 18:31
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Re: Who can help me to correct my article...
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Oh...
very useful advices to me
^ ^ thanks!

Posted on: 2007/4/15 23:58
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Re: Who can help me to correct my article...
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Wow講解的好詳細. Thank you uncle glot.

Posted on: 2007/4/16 8:34
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Re: Who can help me to correct my article...
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Hi Flitteroliva,

I feel happy that my suggestions could be of some help to you.

By the way, your sentence:
"At this point in time, I literally believe it is so perfect to own a grandmother."
can also be written as follows:
At this point in time, I believe that having her as my grandmother is literally a blessing.

Posted on: 2007/4/16 16:32
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Re: Who can help me to correct my article...
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ha..
The sentence becomes more "beautiful"!!!

Posted on: 2007/4/16 22:40
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