Re: Please help me to correct my article

Posted by glotynn on 2007/4/20 17:33:59

Suggested Revisions

In Taiwan, the percent percentage of people having cars is sharply increasing. Are so many cars in our streets a curse or a blessing？


Most of people agree that cars can bring many benefits to the masses. By driving cars, we can have a free move to a more distant places, and enjoy door-to-door service save a lot of time. For various shops, the cars make their door-to-door services more efficient. Besides, it is safer than riding motorcycles especially in rainy days or on bumpy roads. These facts are very obvious advantages.


However, when enjoying the convenience, we also can't ignore that something harmful is produced at the same time. For example, it is well known that cars' waste gas causes air pollution and greenhouse effect, that a traffic jam usually delays a pre-fixed schedule fixed in advance, and that more and more people are injured and even die or even killed in traffic accidents.


We all know that every coin has two sides and the issue in question is no exception. So, in my opinion, as long as we face these shortcomings squarely; then and figure work out perfect solutions to them, such as inventing organic fuel, well-organizing the road networks and the traffice signs, and cultivating the habit of obeying traffic rules, etc. In this way, owning a car is really not a bad thing for us.

Remarks:
1) "By driving cars, we can..."指的是我們自己開車, 而"door-to-door service"是商家所提供, 與我們自己開車何干? 故我幫你把這兩件事分開.
2) 三個獨立的句子不可直接以逗號連接, 而要以子句型態"that..., that..., and that..."來連接.
3) are injured是被動語態, die是主動語態, 直接連接較不好, 故改為"are injured or even killed".
4) 最後一段中, 你以"As long as..."開頭構建一個長句, 主要子句是"owning a car is really not a bad thing for us", 而"As ong as"所帶領的全部是附屬子句, 中間不可有分號";", 也不可在主要子句之前另行插入"In this way"另起新句, 使得"As long as......traffice rules, etc."變成了不成句的孤兒.
5) 在(4)之中, 因為你先前提到三件事, 所以解決方案也要依次有三項才完整, 因此我幫你添加了一項內容.