 My Background
On the surface, I am like most senior high students .I take school work seriously. I have dreams and goals in the future that I am determined to carry out.
My name is Hsu-Hui-Min. I was born in Kaohsiung city. Because I was born in a Christian family, my parents educate me in a special way.
My mother, who plays an important role in my life, always teaches me everything in God’s word, especially from the book of Psalm and Proverbs. My father is not just my teacher but also my best friend. He always shared his rich experiences and colorful childhood memories to me. I indeed learn a lot from him.
As to my elder sister, she affects me to be an independent girl. Whenever I had problems and troubles, I must do my best to solve them before asked for others. My brother is younger than me by seven years, so that I have the chance to be his teacher. Meanwhile, I found it is not an easy job and the field is worthy studying as well in the future.

 My Personality
 Optimistic: I always like to look on the bright side.
 Considerate: I always think of others feeling.
 Easy-going: I always make other feel comfortable.
 Independent: I will do my best before ask for others.
 Introspective: I like to think and observe people and things around me. I am sensitive and like to meditate.

 My Studying Experiences
Since I was a child, out of my curiosity, any new language aroused my interest. Besides, my English teachers always taught us with pleasure, which made me love English further.
When I entered junior high school, thanks to my English teachers’ considerate teaching, I almost did perfectly at my English grades. As a result, they gave me full confidence and built a firm foundation for me as a stepping stone to my learning English at senior high school.
My English ability has improved largely since I was a senior high school student. I have come across many English teachers of different styles and have learned plenty of things from each one. Some taught us how to enjoy a music opera, some introduced famous literatures to us and some strengthened our Basic English abilities.
In addition, I joined our school’s “English Studying Club”, which was led by practical teachers. They always arranged a lot of different kind of courses for us in order to let us realize the English department more and train our listening, speaking and reading and comprehension abilities.

 Extracurricular activities
I usually spent my leisure time joining our church’s “English Bible Studying Fellowship”, which is taught by an American missionary, Marianne Lambert. We sang the songs, played the games, shared our feeling, asked some questions, and discussed Bible’s parables. Due to all English, I can train my listening and oral abilities at the same time.
I found it is really interesting to “discover” the great Bible. Many times when I read the Bible as a story or a literature, I cannot see the real word behind the words. Much to my surprise, by her teaching, in totally different eyesight, I can see more clearly.
Besides, I really gained a lot of significant meanings from this fellowship and I was appreciated for her help to improve my oral ability.

 Motivation
I have a relative who lived in Taipei and their children all study in American school. Every time I met them, I admired their English very much and they also motivated me to sharpen up my English well as them.
I prefer learning English naturally, just like one part of our daily lives. In my leisure time, I like to watch HBO or some other foreign movie, read magazines or famous literature and listen to the redio-4U magazines, landmark and Bilingual Weekly. It quite a good way to improve one’s English listening skill by watch HBO or Discovery, etc. Referring to my personality, I am easygoing and ambitious. I like to get along with people and always do my best to achieve goals.

I am applying for college, English department




Hello shannon:
Welcome here. Good writing. There will be others to correct it for you soon. And GO GO GO,hope you can pass it.

Hello Shannon

Your autobiography is good. It could be better if you fine-tune a little.

First of all, please let the room know which college you are applying to, as different colleges have different student admission criteria. It is imperative that you know the history of the college you are applying to, to be able to gain admission. In other words, you have to know what the strengths of the college are and what successful students they have produced. Having had that information, you can write your statement such that it ‘blends’ well with the college’s culture.

Your essay emphasized a little too much on religion, which is good; but may not be of great help.

Your emphasis on education received thus far should centre on what had been achieved to put you in good stead for a tertiary education. Things like awards and school representations are always an added advantage to your application.

For ECA, try to add some sports that you like, and if possible include events of welfare activities that you have rendered, if any, during your school term. Not that I am against it, but please try not to stress too much on religion.

It is good to include parents as your mentors. The college may not be interested in your siblings. So, it may be wise to leave them out.

You may have to prepare some essays as of required by some colleges, especially those in the United States, such as your childhood experience; or something that triggers your memories; or write an account of the most interesting book that you have read, etc.

Last but not least, expand on your “goals”. Tell the college what your ambition is, and how the college can help you achieve those goals.

Shannon, I do apologize if I sound blunt. Actually, EastCoast (Dave B) is the best person to advise you. He is the expert in this field.

well, looks like geoette beat me to it, guess there's no need to do the same thing twice :D good job, geoette!

Hello enigma ...

Thanks. Please take over from here should Shannon reply.

Over to you.

Cheers.

Editing suggestion (Part I)

 My Background
In the appearance, I am like most senior high students. I take school work seriously. I have dreams and goals in the future that I am determined to carry out. My name is Hsu Hui-Min. I was born in Kaohsiung City. Because I was born in Raising a Christian family, my parents educate me in a special way.

My mother, who plays an important role in my life, always teaches me everything in God’s words, especially from the book of Psalm and Proverbs. My father is not just my teacher but also my best friend. He always shares his rich experiences and colorful childhood memories with me. I have indeed learned a lot from him.

As to my elder sister, she affects me to be an independent girl. Whenever I have problems or troubles, I must do my best to solve them before asking for others' help. My brother is younger than me by seven years, so that I have the chance to be his teacher. Meanwhile, I found it is not an a no easy job and the field that is worth studying as well in the future.

 My Personality
Optimistic: I always like to look on the bright side of things.
Considerate: I always think of others' feeling.
Easy-going: I always try to make others feel comfortable.
Independent: I will usually do my best before asking help from others.
Introspective: I like to think consider and observe people and things around me. I am sensitive and like to meditate.